hotel room ftw
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
