Sry I called you an 8
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
