i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
