I'm so fucking centered right now
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
