we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
