I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
