Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
