I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
