You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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