omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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