just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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