I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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