I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
