If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
