Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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