Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Soap is not a condiment
It's Friday. Sex?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
