Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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