Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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