Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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