do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
