Sry I called you an 8
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
