Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I cut my penus on the lid.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
