Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
