need another drink. this is the easiest way
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My dick has a subreddit
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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