If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
