need another drink. this is the easiest way
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
