someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
