No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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