Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
