i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
