I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
