Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
