my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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