this boner is exhausting
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
