im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
