D3 body, D1 cock
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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