So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Randomize
