What did we do last night that was yellow?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
how drunk are you?
Several
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
