I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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