You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
