I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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