my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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