i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
