i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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