Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
