ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
