Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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