My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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