I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
