Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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