Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
