I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
