hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sext me about skeletons
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
