my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
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I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
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Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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