I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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