i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
