my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
