Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize