Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
