we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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