At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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