I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
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