i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
