I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
