we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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