So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
