I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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