I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
home. puking in laundry basket.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
