He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
