I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
