I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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