found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
