My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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