He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
