so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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