Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
