my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
time to smoke my breakfast
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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