I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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