his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I didn't notice because vodka
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
