:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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